Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
