I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
