god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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