I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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