mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
