I wish I only lived at night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
