then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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