Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
