It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
