It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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