My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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