Old men and throwing up are my life now.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
