He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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