i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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