Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pants are for mortals
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
