He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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