She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Welp...herpes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
