i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
