I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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