I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
