I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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