he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to make out with him forever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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