Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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