i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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