we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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