bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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