I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is my gift to your gina
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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