everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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