If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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