I want to have your abortion
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
