I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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