FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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