If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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