I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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