I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think my vagina is haunted
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
