Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
