Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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