she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
