i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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