Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
