I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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