the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
