I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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