I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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I am available for nakedness
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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