Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
