Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
