i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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