Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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