There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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