dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
