Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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