I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
