We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
