she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
