Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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