i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize