Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
