I wish I could teleport
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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