Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
