yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The ass gains better be worth it
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