I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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