she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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