and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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