I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
