Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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