Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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