we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
