i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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