Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
