gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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