It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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