I feel like abortions should bother me more
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
